My current step-mother challenge (I'm a fairly new step-mom.. Married in March 2009 and learning as I go..) is the part where ..when you and your husband are trying to have a conversation and every time one of you pauses for breath, one of the childrens (spelled wrong for comic effect) chimes in with some observation, desire, comment, etc. So, your conversations go something like this:
Husband: So I was thinking it might be better to switch out the plant light in the aquarium for a pink light to see if it might help with the algae.
Child 1: Yeah it might be too bright in there. No wait, what algae? Is that the brown stuff?
Child 2: What is a pink light?
Wife: The algae might just be because the tank is new. But we could try just turning the plant light off and see if it helps before we get a new light.
Child 1: I think the pink light would be good. It says it makes the colors of the fish brighter.
Hubby: Yeah, that could...
Child 2: What is a pink light? Oh. Are we still going to grow plants? Won't the plants die?
Hubby: (pause so he doesn't have to talk over Child 2) ...that could be. We could try that I suppose.
It's not so bad all things considered. There could be worse things (such as nose-picking and eating in public). BUT, on the other hand.. I could take up the mantle of step-mom and teach them not to do that. I think it would be a service to the world. A VALUABLE service. And, I might retain my mental health a little while longer yet (what is still left).
Jen
I give me kids 2 step rules about things...like getting involved in a conversation.
ReplyDeleteMy two step rule for interrupting/butting in a conversation is
1) Is what you have to say on topic? If not...
2) Is it an emergency? If not... it can wait.
It seems to me that the problem you are describing is just them wanting to be involved.
I actually encourage involving my kids in decision making. If it is a topic that I only want to discuss with Sam, then I tell the kids that Sam and I are going to discuss and and make a decision.
Just don't forget, kids are people too. They want to have a voice and they want their voice respected.
Imagine if you were with family and they just talked over you, ignoring or dismissing what you had to say.
I agree with you wholeheartedly here. And I think the issue is really one of degree. Our kids haven't learned boundaries around it yet. (When, where, how much, how often). I have been setting up scenarios where they have a short list of things to work on for that one scenario (practice social graces kinds of things). It is going really well. I just realized that day that we hadn't worked on intra-family social graces and that we really needed to.
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