Have you noticed how polarized life is getting? The fringe is getting more fringe-y. The violent are getting more violent. Crimes arae getting more spectacular every day. News is getting more sensationalized. Paparazzi are getting more invasive. Trial verdicts and jury awards are crazier and crazier. Government is more and more divided and angry and defiant. It seems like, anymore, people don't think it's worthwhile to take a step unless it can be a very large step that rocks the world and goes viral. I miss peace, quiet, and sanity. At the rate we're going, those words are going to end up obsolete. They will go the way of fardel and golly.
In a world of me/my we've lost our sense of common purpose, of acting for the greater good, of compromise, and common sense.
I really miss seeing common sense.
Please bring back common sense.
Jen
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Biggest Loser Part Ooof
I've been upset the last week on and off while processing things and getting things worked out. Things are going ok, but the benefit of this (aside from getting things worked out) is that I haven't felt like eating and I've had so much anxiety and the nervous energy that comes with anxiety that I've been constantly on the move. I lost 3 pounds! Woot!
I've gotten on the treadmill twice - once for an hour and once for ten minutes. My lower back and hips have been in a lot of pain and I'm using my cane again, but it's going ok. I'm taking my meds (OTC and prescribed) and just taking it a day at a time.
My goal is to lose a pound a day. So far it's 3 over 8 days. But maybe now that the losing has started, I can keep it on track. We'll see.
But, my house is full of sugary carby snacks for the kids. I have no desire to eat them. Woot! That is an excellent sign.
Jen
I've gotten on the treadmill twice - once for an hour and once for ten minutes. My lower back and hips have been in a lot of pain and I'm using my cane again, but it's going ok. I'm taking my meds (OTC and prescribed) and just taking it a day at a time.
My goal is to lose a pound a day. So far it's 3 over 8 days. But maybe now that the losing has started, I can keep it on track. We'll see.
But, my house is full of sugary carby snacks for the kids. I have no desire to eat them. Woot! That is an excellent sign.
Jen
Sunday, July 17, 2011
What Is Compromise and What is Ripping Out the Heart of Who You Are?
The thing I get the most push back on personally and professionally is my Type A, detail oriented, risk adverse, analytical self who needs to understand everything in a very microcosmic sort of way. That is so integral to the person I am it is very difficult for me to look outside that and see any other way to do things. It's instinctive.
I ask a lot of questions. I think about things. Ponder. Project. Analyze. Speculate. Hypothesize. I come to conclusions (sometimes wrong conclusions). I act on what I think I know. If I'm wrong, so be it. Give me more data and I will put it into my mental grinder and come to new hypotheses.
I am risk adverse. And I don't like change. When I plan, it is to avert as much potential bad crap happening as I can without being ridiculous about it. However, my personal idea of how much planning is the right amount of planning and someone else's might be very different.
The problem I have is that people are so unpredictable. And not only are they unpredictable, they also are not all tuned into themselves enough to understand their reactions and motivations. Some are, don't get me wrong. But some aren't. How do you know the difference? I don't think you really can. You can only go with your instincts and hope for the best. And a lot of people really don't feel they can be honest with you. Everything is said in a metaphorical way to be nice. The hard true stuff is just left out or justified even when they think it's ridiculous .. all in the name of the relationship.
And every so often you come to realize that when you thought you were in synch with someone else, you were so wrong. You missed all sorts of flags and hints and subtleties (because you are not so good with the subtleties). But when you finally notice them, they hit you hard because there are so many of them and they are so completely clear you feel stupid for missing them. Projecting and hypothesizing only works if you are running projections in the right direction. Turn around and the projections look completely different.
I think interpersonal relationships are the single hardest part of being human by a huge margin.
My life would probably be a lot simpler if I were not the Type A, detail oriented, analytical, risk adverse person I am. I can, maybe, just not act on my projections, but it gives me a LOT of anxiety. What if later someone comes back and says, well, why didn't you say something if you thought it was a bad idea? Letting go and just watching things fall where they may is very, very hard. Frankly, I don't know if I can do it. But I'm going to try.. even if just to see if it works better.
In a way, though, I resent feeling like I need to try. I feel like I'm being asked (although really no one has asked), to change the core of the person I am in order to fit into society better. It makes me feel like life is chipping away at my identity in order to turn me into some Stepford person.
Life is hard.
Jen
I ask a lot of questions. I think about things. Ponder. Project. Analyze. Speculate. Hypothesize. I come to conclusions (sometimes wrong conclusions). I act on what I think I know. If I'm wrong, so be it. Give me more data and I will put it into my mental grinder and come to new hypotheses.
I am risk adverse. And I don't like change. When I plan, it is to avert as much potential bad crap happening as I can without being ridiculous about it. However, my personal idea of how much planning is the right amount of planning and someone else's might be very different.
The problem I have is that people are so unpredictable. And not only are they unpredictable, they also are not all tuned into themselves enough to understand their reactions and motivations. Some are, don't get me wrong. But some aren't. How do you know the difference? I don't think you really can. You can only go with your instincts and hope for the best. And a lot of people really don't feel they can be honest with you. Everything is said in a metaphorical way to be nice. The hard true stuff is just left out or justified even when they think it's ridiculous .. all in the name of the relationship.
And every so often you come to realize that when you thought you were in synch with someone else, you were so wrong. You missed all sorts of flags and hints and subtleties (because you are not so good with the subtleties). But when you finally notice them, they hit you hard because there are so many of them and they are so completely clear you feel stupid for missing them. Projecting and hypothesizing only works if you are running projections in the right direction. Turn around and the projections look completely different.
I think interpersonal relationships are the single hardest part of being human by a huge margin.
My life would probably be a lot simpler if I were not the Type A, detail oriented, analytical, risk adverse person I am. I can, maybe, just not act on my projections, but it gives me a LOT of anxiety. What if later someone comes back and says, well, why didn't you say something if you thought it was a bad idea? Letting go and just watching things fall where they may is very, very hard. Frankly, I don't know if I can do it. But I'm going to try.. even if just to see if it works better.
In a way, though, I resent feeling like I need to try. I feel like I'm being asked (although really no one has asked), to change the core of the person I am in order to fit into society better. It makes me feel like life is chipping away at my identity in order to turn me into some Stepford person.
Life is hard.
Jen
Friday, July 15, 2011
I'm Kind of Peeved
You know how when you first meet a new person they are all bright and shiny and interesting and they think you are all bright and shiny and interesting.. and then.. after a while, you become just a background piece of scenery in their life.. they want you there.. they like you and all.. but they don't really talk to you anymore or make direct eye contact. It's like they stop seeing you as a person. You're more like a pet.
I hate that.
I want sincere, being in the moment people-ness. Tuned in. Paying attention. Interacting on purpose. Seeking each other out due to a mutual desire to spend quality time together.
It seems like life is so full of busy-ness and constant demands on our time and attention that the sincerity of interpersonal relationships has taken a flying leap into the toilet.
It bums me out.
Jen
I hate that.
I want sincere, being in the moment people-ness. Tuned in. Paying attention. Interacting on purpose. Seeking each other out due to a mutual desire to spend quality time together.
It seems like life is so full of busy-ness and constant demands on our time and attention that the sincerity of interpersonal relationships has taken a flying leap into the toilet.
It bums me out.
Jen
Friday, July 1, 2011
Oh, just ARRGGHH!! anyway.
First, food. I lost 3 pounds last week. I have come to the conclusion both through reading studies and through experimentation, that sugar substitute is the Devil when it comes to dieting. Sugar substitute and exercise. Do you find that as funny as I do? I mean, really. Because that's been the whole sing-along I've been hearing about weight loss for over 20 years. How ironic.
Second, ARGH! Our dog Lilly has abcesses all down one side of her body (I'm guessing they're from some sort of insect bites, but no way to know for sure). Disgusting. She is currently on antibiotics and anti-inflammatories while they conduct some cultures and getting twice daily cleanings and antiseptic/hot compresses. Hopefully this will not require surgery, but there are no promises. She is doing well though. No fever, good attitude, eating good, lest you be inclined to worry overmuch. Bad news, but not terrible. In addition, my horse, Caspar, is getting overheated. This may be due to insufficient sweating (anhydrosis). Apparently the condition can appear at any time and be partial or complete lack of sweating. In his case it would be partial. I am still observing his sweat patterns to see if I can determine if this is the case, but my initial inclination is to say yes. So, I am going to the barn several times a day and wetting him down with tepid water, watering down the shade parts of his stall to make it cooler, and letting him out to pasture at night to prevent colic (a kind of stomach ache that can be fatal and can occur when a horse is stressed). So far he is doing well under those tender ministrations. Oh, and he also now has a bloody scratch near the corner of his eye. No idea how he did that. So, I cleaned that up and got him some electrolyte powder for his feed. I also got a rectal thermometer so I can, in a pinch, get a reading and make sure he's not getting heat stroke. There are other signs I will look for first though.. bulging veins and panting. (Less gross.)
And, my jeep.. which I love, has a very cool humongous sky slider roof (an accordion style soft roof that slides back). Said very cool roof has decided over the last couple of weeks not to close entirely. Monsoon rains are due to begin next Tuesday. The earliest the service center can get me in? Wednesday, naturally. It's also a very bad time to be without my car, as I need to go to the barn several times a day to hose Caspar down. And I'm working next week, so I can't just stay at the barn.
ARGH!!!
I feel very aggravated.
And now my HOA is saying we must move the shed from behind the side of our house to the back of our house. Which is fine.. but time consuming and it's 109 degrees out. (baleful look) Why couldn't they have objected to it in December or January?
On the positive side (a short but important list), the new fish have not been eaten by the turtle. My two new corals are still alive. My son is doing well on his new medication (thank God), and I get to be home for the next 3 weeks (one of which is a vacation week).
And, of course, I lost 3 pounds.
I am a poorer and busier - but thinner - girl.
Jen
Second, ARGH! Our dog Lilly has abcesses all down one side of her body (I'm guessing they're from some sort of insect bites, but no way to know for sure). Disgusting. She is currently on antibiotics and anti-inflammatories while they conduct some cultures and getting twice daily cleanings and antiseptic/hot compresses. Hopefully this will not require surgery, but there are no promises. She is doing well though. No fever, good attitude, eating good, lest you be inclined to worry overmuch. Bad news, but not terrible. In addition, my horse, Caspar, is getting overheated. This may be due to insufficient sweating (anhydrosis). Apparently the condition can appear at any time and be partial or complete lack of sweating. In his case it would be partial. I am still observing his sweat patterns to see if I can determine if this is the case, but my initial inclination is to say yes. So, I am going to the barn several times a day and wetting him down with tepid water, watering down the shade parts of his stall to make it cooler, and letting him out to pasture at night to prevent colic (a kind of stomach ache that can be fatal and can occur when a horse is stressed). So far he is doing well under those tender ministrations. Oh, and he also now has a bloody scratch near the corner of his eye. No idea how he did that. So, I cleaned that up and got him some electrolyte powder for his feed. I also got a rectal thermometer so I can, in a pinch, get a reading and make sure he's not getting heat stroke. There are other signs I will look for first though.. bulging veins and panting. (Less gross.)
And, my jeep.. which I love, has a very cool humongous sky slider roof (an accordion style soft roof that slides back). Said very cool roof has decided over the last couple of weeks not to close entirely. Monsoon rains are due to begin next Tuesday. The earliest the service center can get me in? Wednesday, naturally. It's also a very bad time to be without my car, as I need to go to the barn several times a day to hose Caspar down. And I'm working next week, so I can't just stay at the barn.
ARGH!!!
I feel very aggravated.
And now my HOA is saying we must move the shed from behind the side of our house to the back of our house. Which is fine.. but time consuming and it's 109 degrees out. (baleful look) Why couldn't they have objected to it in December or January?
On the positive side (a short but important list), the new fish have not been eaten by the turtle. My two new corals are still alive. My son is doing well on his new medication (thank God), and I get to be home for the next 3 weeks (one of which is a vacation week).
And, of course, I lost 3 pounds.
I am a poorer and busier - but thinner - girl.
Jen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)