Who Am I? Am I Still Me?

Chronic illness has changed my appearance a lot. I went from being an average sized girl with cute features and active lifestyle to an overweight, lumpy, swelling person with very limited activity. It is increasingly painful for me to walk, even with crutches, two doors down from my house. The longer I try to walk, the more pain and dysfunction in my legs and pelvis I experience. I have difficulty bending down, crouching, and of course, getting back up again. It's not just a matter of obesity. I strongly suspect I have lipedema. The tissue in my legs is very painful. It doesn't have to be touched to hurt. My legs, hips & butt are lumpy and swell regularly. When I was young I was determined that I would be the kind of Mom that sat on the floor and played with my kids. I would be fit. I would be active. I never even dreamed that something like chronic illness could take all of that away. I went in 2 years from being cute and having people look twice at me to having a swollen, doughy face and doughy body. But it's not just my appearance that was stripped away. I went from being very smart to being very average. I have difficulty with my memory and processing skills. But I can adapt. And really, if I want to look back on my life without regret (my goal), then I MUST adapt. I need to find a way to be at peace with that stranger in the mirror. I need to dig deep and find within the things that make me unique. Things other than being smart. Things other than being creative. Things that may be less tangible. Because this is life. And in life there is no giving up. Time keeps pushing us forward. We keep moving or we get rolled over.